Dealing with self-criticism – Four strategies for handling your inner critic
How strong is your inner critic? Most of us have a critical voice in our heads at some point but for some people it's relentless and often vicious. People who would never dream of calling someone else a completely useless idiot are often all too willing to apply the label to themselves. I'm not suggesting that self-criticism has no function: a person who has no capacity for self-reflection can't learn from their mistakes as they don't think they've made any. Self-criticism has its place if it's tempered with self-compassion. But if you're a bit too good at the criticism bit ...
Not so bad after all. Four reasons to change your perspective on negative thinking
Last month I wrote about the surprising downsides of positive thinking. This month I want to flip that around and consider four reasons we might want to change our perspective on negative thinking. 1. You're going to do it anyway Cast your mind back to the last time you were worried about something. If someone had told you to stop worrying (and maybe someone did) would you have ceased immediately? I doubt it. We don't have that much conscious control over our thoughts. Just as a little experiment, try not thinking about a polar bear for a minute. A big, white, ...
Think positive? – Three examples of positive thinking that could be counter-productive
Positive thinking - it's a good thing, right? Whether we're talking about a traditional British "Chin up old chap, look on the bright side" or a 21st century, social media motivational quote - "Find a place inside yourself where nothing is impossible" - it's all, well, positive, isn't it? Well, actually, no; it turns out isn't. Here are three examples of positive thinking that could, in fact, be counter-productive: 1. Believe in yourself - you can be anything you want to be No. You can't. You can certainly aspire to be anything you want and you can give it a damn good go. ...
“Maybe you should see a psychologist” – How do you bring up this sensitive subject?
"Maybe you should see a psychologist". Has anyone ever suggested this to you? If they did, would you see it as a positive suggestion or would you be affronted, as if they were implying that all was not right in your head? It's tricky, isn't it? A bit of a taboo subject. Recently, I've had a few conversations with people who've said they think it would be helpful if their colleague/client/boss/friend talked to me but they don't know quite how to broach the subject. Let's be clear here, I'm talking about work-related issues. I'm neither a psychotherapist nor a clinical ...
Conquering your anxieties. Tiny steps of astonishing bravery
How do you make progress with those day-to-day anxieties that hold you back in life and at work? I’m thinking of those fears that seem irrational when you try to explain them to others but which can exert a great hold over you. Most of us have some niggling worries, but some people have more than their fair share to contend with, usually as a result of their upbringing. Take Will, for example, a Finance Director in a large corporation. Outwardly he is very successful – smart, articulate and always on top of his subject. Inwardly, Will is incredibly anxious; he worries ...
Crisis management – What’s the worst that can happen?
What are you like in a crisis? I don't mean the life or death, split-second decision type crises that we all hope we'll never face - escaping a burning building, being taken hostage by terrorists or other stuff of nightmares. None of us really knows how we'd react in those situations and, if we're lucky, we never find out. I'm thinking more of the standard ups and downs - or, more specifically, downs - of life that we all face at some point - failing at work, losing your job, falling out with a friend and so on. Some people cope better with these ...
One simple – but not easy – technique for better concentration and more emotional resilience
If I offered you a pill that had no side effects and promised to make you less stressed, more focused and less emotionally-reactive would you take it? Almost certainly, you would; you’d be a fool not to. And if it could also help you sleep better, improve your memory and concentration and might even help ward off dementia, you’d probably pay good money for it. Well these are the claims made for ‘mindfulness’, a technique that is growing in popularity and increasingly being introduced in the workplace. As a psychologist, I’m always interested in research on the mind and techniques ...
Lacking inspiration? Six ways to kick start your brain
Do you ever find yourself lacking in inspiration, trying to solve a problem or make sense of a situation but coming up with nothing? I think it’s a fairly common experience and one I faced when I realised I’d need to write a blog for November and had absolutely no ideas – until it occurred to me to write about what to do when you have no ideas. So here are six psychologically proven ways to kick start your mind……. Move The last place you’re likely to come up with ideas is hunched over a laptop. After listlessly flicking between ...
Too much of a good thing – The hidden dangers of being too modest
No one likes a show off, right? We can all think of people who constantly bang on about how brilliant they are and what they’ve achieved this month. People who make sure you know what their house is worth or tell you the detailed spec of their high end car and so on and so on. It grates and, frankly, it’s not very British. So it’s better to be modest, obviously. Well mostly. I want to highlight the hidden dangers of being too modest. Now you’re probably thinking that I mean the risk of being overlooked. Modest people don’t sell ...
Maybe it’s personal – Real and imagined family dynamics at work
Is there someone at work who really drives you nuts? Not just the usual workplace niggles but someone who really gets under your skin? Someone with whom it feels personal? Well maybe it is. Perhaps it all started with your family. That person may remind you of some you grew up with and you just haven’t noticed. Many workplaces take on the characteristics of a family – the stern, demanding father, the clucky mother hen, who looks after her brood but takes no nonsense from anyone, the squabbling siblings, the ‘baby’ of the family who gets away with murder and ...
Dealing with self-criticism – Four strategies for handling your inner critic
How strong is your inner critic? Most of us have a critical voice in our heads at some point but for some people it's relentless and often vicious. People who would never dream of calling someone else a completely useless idiot are often all too willing to apply the label to themselves. I'm not suggesting that self-criticism has no function: a person who has no capacity for self-reflection can't learn from their mistakes as they don't think they've made any. Self-criticism has its place if it's tempered with self-compassion. But if you're a bit too good at the criticism bit ...
Not so bad after all. Four reasons to change your perspective on negative thinking
Last month I wrote about the surprising downsides of positive thinking. This month I want to flip that around and consider four reasons we might want to change our perspective on negative thinking. 1. You're going to do it anyway Cast your mind back to the last time you were worried about something. If someone had told you to stop worrying (and maybe someone did) would you have ceased immediately? I doubt it. We don't have that much conscious control over our thoughts. Just as a little experiment, try not thinking about a polar bear for a minute. A big, white, ...
Think positive? – Three examples of positive thinking that could be counter-productive
Positive thinking - it's a good thing, right? Whether we're talking about a traditional British "Chin up old chap, look on the bright side" or a 21st century, social media motivational quote - "Find a place inside yourself where nothing is impossible" - it's all, well, positive, isn't it? Well, actually, no; it turns out isn't. Here are three examples of positive thinking that could, in fact, be counter-productive: 1. Believe in yourself - you can be anything you want to be No. You can't. You can certainly aspire to be anything you want and you can give it a damn good go. ...
“Maybe you should see a psychologist” – How do you bring up this sensitive subject?
"Maybe you should see a psychologist". Has anyone ever suggested this to you? If they did, would you see it as a positive suggestion or would you be affronted, as if they were implying that all was not right in your head? It's tricky, isn't it? A bit of a taboo subject. Recently, I've had a few conversations with people who've said they think it would be helpful if their colleague/client/boss/friend talked to me but they don't know quite how to broach the subject. Let's be clear here, I'm talking about work-related issues. I'm neither a psychotherapist nor a clinical ...
Conquering your anxieties. Tiny steps of astonishing bravery
How do you make progress with those day-to-day anxieties that hold you back in life and at work? I’m thinking of those fears that seem irrational when you try to explain them to others but which can exert a great hold over you. Most of us have some niggling worries, but some people have more than their fair share to contend with, usually as a result of their upbringing. Take Will, for example, a Finance Director in a large corporation. Outwardly he is very successful – smart, articulate and always on top of his subject. Inwardly, Will is incredibly anxious; he worries ...
Crisis management – What’s the worst that can happen?
What are you like in a crisis? I don't mean the life or death, split-second decision type crises that we all hope we'll never face - escaping a burning building, being taken hostage by terrorists or other stuff of nightmares. None of us really knows how we'd react in those situations and, if we're lucky, we never find out. I'm thinking more of the standard ups and downs - or, more specifically, downs - of life that we all face at some point - failing at work, losing your job, falling out with a friend and so on. Some people cope better with these ...
One simple – but not easy – technique for better concentration and more emotional resilience
If I offered you a pill that had no side effects and promised to make you less stressed, more focused and less emotionally-reactive would you take it? Almost certainly, you would; you’d be a fool not to. And if it could also help you sleep better, improve your memory and concentration and might even help ward off dementia, you’d probably pay good money for it. Well these are the claims made for ‘mindfulness’, a technique that is growing in popularity and increasingly being introduced in the workplace. As a psychologist, I’m always interested in research on the mind and techniques ...
Lacking inspiration? Six ways to kick start your brain
Do you ever find yourself lacking in inspiration, trying to solve a problem or make sense of a situation but coming up with nothing? I think it’s a fairly common experience and one I faced when I realised I’d need to write a blog for November and had absolutely no ideas – until it occurred to me to write about what to do when you have no ideas. So here are six psychologically proven ways to kick start your mind……. Move The last place you’re likely to come up with ideas is hunched over a laptop. After listlessly flicking between ...
Too much of a good thing – The hidden dangers of being too modest
No one likes a show off, right? We can all think of people who constantly bang on about how brilliant they are and what they’ve achieved this month. People who make sure you know what their house is worth or tell you the detailed spec of their high end car and so on and so on. It grates and, frankly, it’s not very British. So it’s better to be modest, obviously. Well mostly. I want to highlight the hidden dangers of being too modest. Now you’re probably thinking that I mean the risk of being overlooked. Modest people don’t sell ...
Maybe it’s personal – Real and imagined family dynamics at work
Is there someone at work who really drives you nuts? Not just the usual workplace niggles but someone who really gets under your skin? Someone with whom it feels personal? Well maybe it is. Perhaps it all started with your family. That person may remind you of some you grew up with and you just haven’t noticed. Many workplaces take on the characteristics of a family – the stern, demanding father, the clucky mother hen, who looks after her brood but takes no nonsense from anyone, the squabbling siblings, the ‘baby’ of the family who gets away with murder and ...
